ShagFlyBalls

August 2008 was a big year for me. In reverse order, I retired FamiLee Life blog after three very full years of writing, celebrated turning 39 (and the impending start of middle-aged life if you can call 40-years-old middle-aged these days), was elected a fellow of both the American Psychological Association and the Asian American Psychological Association, learned that my wife was pregnant, and got married to the love of my life.  With each of these events, I had a chance to reappraise my life.

1. FamiLee Life was a wonderful experience for me. Prior to its start in 2005, I was going through a rough patch in my life, reeling from a short-lived marriage/divorce, and at the same time discovering the powerful love and support of friendships. The blog provided me with a chance to clear my head, organize my thoughts and feelings, reflect on what was important to me in life, and develop a coherent narrative about who I am, what I want in life, and where I am headed. For a while, I wrote nearly daily in the blog. Then, less frequently. I retired the blog when I felt like I had finally reclaimed my selfhood and reconnected with my friends and family. Writing can be healing and restorative but words only reflect life. Friends and family are the true source of life’s sustenance.

2. Let’s be truthful with my age. I do not look 39-years-old. On a good day, I still get confused with a college student (seriously). On a bad day, strangers and acquaintances (even my graduate students) think I am in my early to mid 30s. And yet here I am at 39-years-old. I am lucky to be blessed with my mom’s youth genes. I also have been lucky to have made it this far in life given my brushes with death (multiple serious car-bike accidents) and history of other-kinds-of reckless behavior (which I do not need to recount here). Of course, my physical body is feeling the effects of years of neglect and abuse and recklessness. I definitely do not recover as quickly from injuries and all-out-weekend-warrior activities. My cervical spine is whacked with arthritis and any heavy lifting reminds me of my limitations. Still, I feel spry and alive and jump at the chance to challenge myself. Regardless of my age in years, I remain hopeful, optimistic, and a true believer in the power of laughter and humor. Sure, I am just a tad more cautious when undertaking such feats of strength or endurance but age does not mean you can’t smile or laugh or take on challenges.

3. I started college with the vague notion of someday becoming a psychologist. I briefly toyed with the idea of entering seminary or getting a masters degree in philosophy but in the end I kept returning to psychology. Still, I was full of doubts, deep feelings of inadequacy and a lack of direction. Fortunately, I am willing to take calculated risks in life and so I plunged into graduate school. I feel like I barely got in, fought hard to succeed, and finally saw myself at the top of the mountain five-years later. But success does not remove doubt. I still did not think I could ever succeed as a professor. Again though, I took the calculated risk and plotted my future. I learned to multi-task, to seek out and rely on mentors and colleagues, to meta-cognate in every sort of way, and to be persistent…really persistent. Twelve years later, I am a tenured professor and a fellow of the American Psychological Association and the Asian American Psychological Association. You can always try…this is what I learned.

4. We were just awakening from Day 2 of married life when I looked over at my wife in bed and asked her if she was pregnant. I don’t know why I asked but I just felt it might be the case. Of course, we had been trying for a few months so I knew it was probable but not necessarily likely. She looked surprised by the question and then I knew. Oh, I was beaming with joy and excitement. I was a kid in the candy store right then and there. We hugged and kissed but I really wanted to just jump up and down. I was going to be a father. Wow. Crazy. I really was wanting to be a father and now it was happening. I remained cautious the first few months because I understood there were still risks with pregnancy but I knew things would be okay this time around. In the 30 weeks since then, I have begun to learn what it means to be a father. And I have begun to ask myself what kind of father will I be?

5. The 3-2-1 countdown to married life. I have been engaged three times, married twice, and divorced once. If you add it up correctly, it means that I am married to the most loveliest of women. We are very different people  and through these differences share similar values and goals. We are separate beings who respect tand cherish each other’s need for space, time, friendships, careers, interests and passions, family, and more. Our time spent together is equally cherished and respected. I love that we can have substantive conversations about our curiosities, dreams, values, politics, and more and still laugh and giggle at the silliness of everyday life. Our love runs deep into our sleep, filling our dreams, and allowing us to always awake with a smile on our faces. Together, we make a home.

Yep, August 2008 was the beginning of a new generation of family life and has led me to start this new blog – ShagFlyBalls.